The word friendship meant so little to my adolescent self, dubbing individuals I would merely say hi too, as friends.
As I matured and actually experienced a freckle of life, I began to form a friendship circle. A sisterhood if you may. One that felt infinite. As I began to transend into adulthood, I realised that distance and time created bitterness within the very friends I thought would last me forever.
Although I was estranged with two of my friends, I suddenly began to notice the group making arrangements without me. In a circle of seven friends, two having an issue left the others justified in leaving me out of the equation. I’m not quite sure how that all worked out but I’ll let you do the math. It was at that very moment, I realised that I had to do what was best for me. No more tears, moaning, or wondering what I’ve done, just simply accepting that we’ve grown distant.
At first I thought that I was over reacting. But, as sad as it is, I cannot make anyone understand my perspective. Once people view you as a villain, you’re damned. But that’s okay because that is the true test of self love. Knowing that although the people you referred to as sisters cannot see your radiance, does not mean your light has dimmed.
I am a kind, caring and loving soul who wishes nothing but happiness to all of my friends. Past, present and future. But readers you should know, I have learnt from this experience. I would never allow anybody to diminish my self esteem or make me question my character again. If you truly know who you are, it can never be taken from you. Sometimes you have to be selfish and take care of yourself. I was going through things at the time only to step back into my friendship group being resented. Simply because of my choice to take time out.
So readers, I have come to the conclusion that I am unapologetically going to do me from now on. I feel as though I’ve just been given a fresh start to find happiness within myself. To experience life and do all the things I want too. To wake up everyday with the few friends I can be there for and maybe find some new ones along the way. Who knows. But all that’s certain today, right now and in this very moment – is that I am no longer allowing anyone to hold the purse strings of my happiness.
Moral of the story;
Life is but a series of moments, live and love them whilst they last.
Until next time,
The inner thoughts of a rambling blogger